


how to lose something attached to your head.

by SirAndroid



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Established Relationship, Gavin Reed Being Less of an Asshole, Gavin Reed is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Secret Relationship, they're both trying and that's the important part
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:55:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29216052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirAndroid/pseuds/SirAndroid
Summary: Gavin knows Connor wears his LED like a badge of honour, so why isn’t it there now?
Relationships: Connor/Gavin Reed
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

Gavin knew something was up. Yeah, he still found Connor hard as shit to read sometimes, even after deviating the android tended to be much more subdued in his display of emotions and didn’t talk about them if he didn’t deem them ‘relevant’, but to Gavin’s credit, he’d gotten to know him better. He could tell when _something_ was up. He knew Connor's tells. The slightly longer pauses before responding, the more rigid manner of speech, the less direct answers, the more stilted humour.

He was itching for a chance to talk to him in private. He had been stuck sharing the open office space with him all day, unable to talk to him without being seen or heard by at least one other person. He wished Connor wasn't so fucking diligent and would just leave his desk and go to the break room or somewhere so that he could talk to him. He tried just waiting for Connor to look his way and he could try to somehow indicate he wanted to talk with him outside but so far Connor had glanced at him once and immediately looked away and fixed his hair in a flustered manner (that was admittedly fucking adorable).

Eventually he gave up on trying to somehow telepathically communicate and just texted him.

_Evidence room._

_You. Me. Now._

He got up and left his desk the moment the message sent. He knew Connor would come anyway, he didn’t need to wait and check. He’s pretty sure that they’d rendezvoused in the evidence room at least twelve times since they’ve been together, surprisingly never once having sex there. Not yet, at least. Though the idea did sound enticing.

He waited a few minutes before Connor came, walking down towards the back where they were less likely to be seen if someone did come through. He looked so perfect as always. Everything kept all neat and walking with the long even stride. Gavin couldn’t help but smile when he just saw him.

“I got your message. It was rather demanding.” Connor said as he closed the distance between them.

“If I said it nicely you wouldn’t have come.” Gavin smirked.

“We are at work, Gavin. We’re supposed to be working.”

“Work’s shit.”

Connor leaned against one of the tables and crossed his arms over his chest, “Have I been called here just to hear you bitch about work?”

“You almost sound like you don’t want me around.”

“Technically speaking, you are impeding my investigation right now.”

“Never remember work being such a cockblocker,” Gavin shook his head with a growing smirk, “The way I see it, your investigation is impeding our relationship.”

Connor paused for a moment too long before exhaling slowly, his tone shifting slightly into something more formal and spoken a little quieter, “If this is regarding me failing to respond to your calls last night, I meant to. It escaped my mind is all. I apologize. I was… preoccupied.”

Connor’s fingers curled around his jacket sleeve tighter, pulling on the fabric and curling in on himself ever so slightly. Gavin honestly hadn’t thought anything about his calls being neglected, he didn’t exactly expect Connor to always have free time for him. He knew how busy Connor was, he knew he wished he wasn’t so fucking busy and spent more time with him, but he understood. It wasn’t like he had a lot of free time either.

But Connor’s comment did give him the perfect segue to what he really wanted to talk about.

“Everything okay plastic?” He asked, using the nickname in a softer manner than he used to.

Connor hesitated for a moment before responding, “Of course.”

“Liar.”

Connor sighed but didn't dispute him, “It doesn't matter, I need to focus on my investigation and you on yours.”

“It does matter,” Gavin rolled his eyes, “tell me what's wrong. Come on, I wanna know, and I'm asking you so don't go and tell me it's irrelevant.”

“It’s irrelevant to the investigation. We’re at work, _detective_ ; we need to work.” Connor reminded him with an off attempt at humour he failed to quite make land and pulled himself away from the table and closer to Gavin. His tall lean frame tower over him. Gavin just frowned, dissatisfied Connor’s answer.

“What, I gotta wait until outside of office hours to care about you?”

“I thought that was how you preferred it.”

”Just because I don’t want the whole office to know about my personal life doesn’t mean I don’t care about you,” the words came out harsher than he'd intended, “Look, I just really want you to tell me what the hell is going on with you.”

“Nothing is ‘going on with me’. I promise. Now, as much as I'd like to stay here and talk with you, if we do stay here much longer someone else might come and our will be absence noted.” Connor pointed out.

Gavin swore under his breath knowing Connor was right. Of course he was right, he was always fucking right. He hated it. He fucking hated having to dance around like this with Connor. He wasn't ready to tell everyone he'd gone ahead and hooked up with an android but he hated it more than he could fucking describe sometimes. He hated that he knew Connor hated it just as much. He hated what a blatant excuse it was to avoid the conversation.

“Alright, fine.” He capitulated, “Back to shitty work I guess.”

“It's not that bad.”

“Yeah, it is. My place after work?” He asked as they started to walk towards the exit together.

Connor considered it for a moment before answering, “Perhaps, depending on how I fare on my case.”

“I’m sure you’ll have solved it in like an hour.”

“My turn over rate isn’t that fast.”

“You’re just damn modest.”

He caught the slight smile on Connor's face. “Fine, I’ll come over for the night, but I might come late. Or rather, later than usual.” He agreed, as he stopped near the exit to the room and fiddled with his hair.

“I'll keep you to that plastic,” Gavin smirked.

“You always do.”

Gavin shrugged and leaned in to kiss Connor on the lips before he finally left. Connor, of course, staying back a few minute to try and avoid any speculation they'd snuck off together. He quickly made his way to his desk, not bothering to look up when Connor did walk over to his desk and elegantly slipped into his chair. Neither able to share another word with each other until the day ended.

* * *

He didn't notice it until later. He isn't sure how but he doesn't even notice until later.

They were both at his apartment though neither had been bothered to get out of their uniform. Connor had discarded his jacket on the couch, relaxed at least a little and allowed Gavin to subject him to whatever cursed content he found online as they sat with their arms brushing against each other. Gavin scrolled through his feed, scrolling past anything that failed to capture his attention within seconds before stopping on a random post.

He watched half of it before smiling to himself, clucking his tongue and holding the phone between himself and Connor, “Heh, look at this one.”

Connor tilted his head to the side and peered at the phone as the video replayed. Gavin turned to him to see his reaction and that's when he noticed it.

On the side of Connor’s head, there was nothing. Where he had gotten so used to seeing a ring of soft blue light there was nothing, just a minor scratch that was barely even noticeable. He shifted in his seat to check that it was the correct side, but he already knew it was. How the fuck hadn't he noticed that earlier, or at least not paid enough attention to notice it before? How long had it been gone for? _Why_ was it gone?

“Gav,” Connor said, gently nudging his forearm as the video ended. “Are you alright?”

“What happened to your LED?” He blurted out without thinking.

Connor shifted the moment the words came out, his fingers gently reaching up to slight scratch in his head as he hesitated to respond, as though only just recalling it was missing. He shifted a few strands of short hair nearby as though to try and make them cover it before dropping his hand and tersely responding, “I lost it.”

“You lost it?”

“Yes.”

“How the fuck did you lose it?”

“I don't know.”

“ _When_ did you lose it?”

“Gavin,” Connor sighed, seeming overwhelmed by the questions already, as he grabbed a cushion and held it to his stomach, “I just lost it. You're overthinking this.”

“I've asked you like two questions, neither of which you answered. It's attached to your head Con, how the fuck do you lose something that’s attached to your head?”

Connor opened his mouth to rebut, but then closed it before simply answering, “Maybe I got rid of it.”

“You got rid of it?” Gavin spat, unable to withhold his frustration with Connor’s evasion of any proper discussion substituted with what he was pretty sure were just lies, “Yeah, because _you’re_ the one who told _me_ you didn’t want to remove it when I brought it up.”

“I am allowed to change my mind, aren’t I?”

Gavin quelled himself slightly, biting down on his cheek. _Yes_. Yes of course he was allowed to change his mind, it wasn’t really the LED itself that he was upset about. Not really. He wouldn’t have even fucking cared, he would have been happy about it for fuck’s sake if it was just a missing piece of plastic. But he didn’t want to admit to any of that shit

He sighed, resigning from his stance as he fell into the back of the couch, “Just thought that would be something you’d talk about with me.”

“I didn’t think you’d care.” Connor responded flatly.

“Of course I fucking care. I mean, it’s your decision but I don’t know… don’t imagine you just did it. You’re too damn methodical for that.”

“Gavin, it’s only an indicator – nothing more.”

Connor spoke with some sort of faux assurance in his voice and Gavin wanted to believe him, God he wanted to believe him, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t and he didn’t. He looked at Connor as the android pulled at the edges of the cushion and rubbed it between his fingers. He images if the indicator were there, it would be yellow right now. Whatever it would be, he’s damn sure it wouldn’t be blue. Just like he’s pretty sure that it had something to do with why Connor had been acting off all day and how sure he was that Connor _didn’t want to tell him about it._


	2. Chapter 2

He was fucking pissed. He was even more pissed than he had been last night when he’d actually spoken with Connor about it. He was probably more pissed than he should have been. He knew he shouldn’t have been so fucking pissed but he couldn’t help it.

He purposefully avoided Connor, even when he noticed the stolen glances across the precinct and the text messages on his phone that he’d muted. It was unfair, perhaps, but he just didn’t want to deal with it all. He fucking hated relationships sometimes.

He couldn’t help but to outright complain about him entirely unprompted. Since they’d gotten together, he’d nearly entirely stopped making comments about him behind his back to the other officers, but he couldn’t help himself anymore. Not when he saw Connor peddling behind Anderson, who Gavin bet knew what the fuck was going on, and able to so easily act like nothing was going on.

“Look at him,” he gestured his coffee cup towards the two of them, “Glued to Anderson’s side like a fucking puppy as always. Probably licks his damn boots without even being asked to.”

“Aw, are you two having a lover’s spat?” Tina teased him with a mocking, high pitched tone. Gavin gritted his teeth together hard enough it hurt.

“We’re not together.”

“Yeah, but you wish you were.”

“I do not.”

“That’s what she said.”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now!” He snapped loud enough it echoed ever so slightly within the break room. He felt abashed at his own hostility as soon as the words came out of his mouth, though thankfully Tina didn’t seem to take much offence.

“You’re grumpy today. There’s no need to get all fired up at me. I’m just making a joke.” Tina rolled her eyes, before smirking again, “ _Although_ , you would look cute together.”

Gavin wanted to fucking kill her right then and there. Normally he would be able to joke with her. Go along with her teasing, but today he couldn’t stand it. He got out of his seat and took his coffee with him, “I’m taking this to my desk, where I don’t have to listen to you.”

He doesn’t know if it’s worse at his desk or not. He can distract himself with paperwork but he’s also stuck with Connor only a few desks away and forced to listen to him talking so fucking casually with Anderson, go about everything else like it didn’t matter that they had fought last night. Like it didn’t mean anything.

Did he even fucking care?

They’d discussed the topic before, earlier in their relationship before Gavin realised how fucking resolute Connor was about keeping the damn thing on. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like that Connor decided to keep his Cyberlife jacket on all the damn time and that blue LED on the side of his head but he also knew how little say he actually had in the matter. He didn’t like it, he would still offhandedly mention getting rid of it, but it wasn’t his choice. Just like how Connor didn’t like some of his habits that he didn’t know how to kick.

He knew that there was shit he wasn’t being told, he knew that Connor didn’t trust him to know it. That, maybe he could deal with, but Connor’s absolute disregard to the whole situations, which he had to know was annoying Gavin with how fucking well Connor always was at reading him, was too much for him to deal with.

When Connor came into the break room when he went to refill his coffee he made sure to leave without even acknowledging the android’s presence. When Connor had sent him an email after texting failed, he ignored those as well. He’d silenced his fucking phone to avoid him.

“Detective Reed seems particularly irritable today,” Connor told Anderson, loud enough that Gavin could hear it from his desk and he bet Connor fucking knew he could hear it – it was probably the only reason he was even talking about it.

“Just leave him be kid, that jackass isn’t worth your time.” Anderson dismissed him.

Gavin didn’t have to look to know that Connor was looking at him though. He didn’t give a shit about what that boozer thought but he hated the feeling of Connor looking at him. He hated how well he could picture his expression.

“You’re being unfairly judgemental, Lieutenant. I’m certain he has his reasoning.”

“I’m certain that you of all people aren’t the one responsible for finding out that reasoning.”

“Regardless, I would like to know.”

God, he couldn’t take it anymore.

“You shits know I can hear you, don’t you?” He snapped at them, swivelling his chair around to face them. Connor was already looking at him when he turned around, with those damn brown puppy eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. We’ll we ain’t gonna be talking about you no more.” Anderson was quick to defend and tapped on Connor’s shoulder and said something too quiet for Gavin to hear. Connor deflated slightly and nodded but glanced over to Gavin once more with a shallow smile.

God, he couldn’t take this.

* * *

Being alone and half miserable in his apartment was all the plans Gavin had for the night. Warm up the takeout he’d bought and not eaten yesterday and tell himself it tasted better than it did then work on his cases before sleeping to avoid thinking. So, when he heard a knock on the door he fully intended to not answer it.

He focused on the box rotating in the microwave and ignored the knocking until the person outside spoke up, “Gavin, can we please talk?”

He thinks his heart skipped a fucking beat. Part of him had anticipated that Connor would probably want to confront him about it sometime but he didn’t expect him to come to his fucking house. He didn’t want him to be there, he didn’t want to end up talking about something Connor seemed touchy about and then fucking everything up.

He just ignored it again.

“Gavin, I hope you are aware that I’m perfectly capable, and willing, to pick the lock if you don’t answer.”

Part of him wanted to laugh, the other part of him wanted to jump out the window. He abandoned his dinner and walked over to the door, pulling it open to Connor, standing there all stiff and perfectly, “The fuck are you doing here?”

“May I come in?”

“Yeah, yeah, Sure, just – go.” He side stepped out of the way and let Connor come through before shutting the door behind him, more like slamming it. Connor walked over towards the main seating area but didn’t sit down as Gavin followed him there, chucking his keys onto the counter and flopping onto the couch.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” Connor stated plainly.

“Yeah.” Gavin snorted.

“Is this regarding the removal of my LED?”

“Con…” He pinched the bridge of his nose, he already regretting letting him in, “do you have to be so fucking formal with me?”

“I don’t know. You’re upset with me.”

“Jesus. Sometimes I don’t know if you’re trying to guilt trip me or if I’m just the biggest fucking asshole alive. Don’t be formal with me and shit just be… I don’t know. Normal. You can fucking sit down and we can just be _normal_ with each other.”

“You’re the one who’s been avoiding me.” Connor responded, without sitting down.

“I know, I just… ugh, this is all shit you know. I need some fucking space is all.”

“Would you rather I left?”

Gavin stalled to respond a moment as he heard the microwave ding in the background and ignored it. He didn’t want to keep doing this, but he didn’t want to fuck it all up.

“Would you rather I stayed?” Connor prompted him further.

“Just, sit down, plastic.”

Connor nodded and finally decided to sit down on one of the chairs opposite Gavin.

They were silent for a moment, neither of them daring to say anything first before Connor spoke up, “I don’t know how well this relationship is working.”

Gavin couldn’t help but to snort at his comment even though he wanted to cry. He should have expected this, “I fucked up that bad, huh? You gonna break up with me now?”

“No. I don’t want to break up with you Gavin, I just… don’t want you to be upset with me.”

There was something so innocent about the way that he said it, that slight tilt of his head that was so distinctively Connor and how he meet his eyes despite bowing his head. It just made him even more mad for some reason, more at himself than at Connor.

“I don’t want to be upset with you either I just… fuck, I don’t know, Con.” He scrubbed his hand down his face as he tried to gather his thoughts, “I don’t understand what the fuck is going on with you and it’s frustrating. Like your allowed to keep shit to yourself but I just… it’s still frustrating.”

Connor didn’t say anything, but pursed his lips, “I don’t know what you’re referring to Gavin.”

Gavin knew he was lying. He knew that he must have known what he was talking about, that he was smart enough to know exactly what he was talking about. “See, this is what I mean. Like, you can’t even just tell me you don’t want to talk about it you just… just do this shit.”

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing!” He shouted without meaning to as Connor immediately sat up properly when he kept going, “You keep things from me and then want to pretend it’s just whatever. I thought we were together, I tell you all my shit and you tell me yours, wasn’t that what we were doing? I sure fucking thought it was and then you do this shit and then I just get frustrated over it but I know that I can’t… that it’s not fucking… I just…” 

He was gritting his teeth together again and he couldn’t stand to look at Connor. He felt frustrated, he felt so fucking frustrated and he couldn’t help it. He felt fucking angry and he could feel it under his skin. He felt so angry he couldn’t figure out how to articulate what he was trying to say anymore. He stared down at his fists, balled up tight enough he could feel his finger nails digging firmly into his skin.

“Gavin…” Connor tried to draw his attention to him, putting his hand gently on Gavin’s arm. He’d come and was sat on the couch right beside him, giving him a few minutes to collect himself again.

After a few minutes, Gavin sighed and scrubbed his hand over his face, “I just want to know you’re okay, Con. I don’t mean to get so angry.”

Connor entangled his fingers with Gavin’s over his knee. His skin soft against Gavin’s coarse hand. The action calmed him a bit.

“Fowler recommended I remove my LED because I was going to aid in policing the riots downtown that had ‘gone south’.” Connor started to explain, staring down at Gavin’s hand as he spoke, “I was resistant to the idea and I informed him that I would rather keep it.”

“If Fowler forced anything-”

“No, it was nothing like that.” Connor was quick to dismiss, “One of the rioters removed my LED forcibly whilst I was there. I’m not sure why, well, I do understand why, I just don’t see the point if I didn’t do it electively.”

Gavin processed what he said for a minute, frowning as he thought it over, he wasn’t exactly sure how easy it was to remove an LED but he knew ‘forcibly’ wasn’t something he wasn’t to hear, “Tell me you reported that motherfucker.”

“There are no laws against such actions.”

“Well there should be,” Gavin remarked kicking the coffee table in front of him and grunting, “Did they attack you?”

“No. They left a light dent but otherwise, it’s fine.”

“I’m going to fucking kill Fowler, Why the hell is he even sending you to those things?”

“It’s fine Gavin, I don’t mind the job.”

“You got hurt!”

“It didn’t actually hurt me.”

Gavin wanted to tell him that they did, perhaps it didn’t bring him pain as it would to a human, but they still technically assaulted him. He didn’t say anything though, he knew that conversation wasn’t going to go anywhere.

He sighed and decided to try to ask something else, “Why’d you tell me you got rid of it yourself?”

Connor stalled for a moment, before addressing the topic delicately, “Some androids see it as liberating to remove their LEDs. I suppose I understand it, they have been used to identify us as an ‘other’, but in my eyes, I’m an android regardless and I don’t feel that I should hide that, especially not when I’ve been such a vital part of the revolution. I like my LED. I feel comfort with it. I know you don’t like it though and _it is_ seen as liberating, so I thought I’d just see how it was without it.”

“Connor, it doesn’t matter what the fuck I want or anyone else for that matter when it comes to this sort of shit. Do _you_ mind it?”

Connor raised his hand to where the thing was supposed to be, his finer tracing over the scratch left on the side of his head and trying to pull his hair to cover its absence before sighing, “I don’t know. I think I’m just not used to it. I don’t like it not being there.”

Gavin thought about it for a moment before smirking and nudging Connor’s side, “I got a plan.” He told him confidently, managing to get a slight smile if also a doubtful gaze from Connor, “It’s a good plan. Trust me.”

“If it’s anything like what your plans usually are, I doubt it.”

“You just gotta have a little faith in me, tincan.” Gavin laughed and slung his arm around Connor’s shoulders.

Connor laughed lightly, and shook his head, “You don’t have to worry about this.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I wanna. Besides, I’ve been an ass to you lately, I gotta make up for that somehow.”

“Aren’t you usually an ass?”

“Fuck you,” Gavin snorted elbowing Connor’s side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've somewhat lost interest in this, but I'm going to force myself to finish it anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to write this whole thing and then publish it but I have no patience. I find it so hard to write both of these characters half decently sometimes (they're so OOC here). On a different non-DBH related note, thought I'd drop my [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/youwillnotlearnmyname/) here bc why not. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Love to hear any of your thoughts.


End file.
